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My greatest fear is to not see what is right before my eyes.
At the same time, being a proud, card-carrying human being, I know that that is exactly what I will do most of the time because we are hard-wired to overlook: we miss the essential thing right in front of us while chasing some shiny distraction. (Hell, that might even be the best definition of life there is.)
To keep myself honest, I have rituals and I repeat them every day. Wherever I am in the world, I start my day by writing in my journal because that is when I tell myself the truth. Sometimes I am blindsided by what I write: Where on earth did that come from? Writing is when I come clean.
I also like to take a moment to remind myself that this could be my last day. Without getting over-dramatic, I like to entertain the possibility that it will all end this day. If I keep that thought front and center, then I am far less likely to take the beauty and the people around me for granted. If this is the last chance I have to say something earnest, then I’d better just go ahead and say it.
It’s a high bar to live by but it is the one that matters to me. I temper it with a sense of humor because you really have to laugh at our plight: we were given this precious gift called life which means everything to us and from the very first day we must learn to live with its all being ripped away from us. The day we are born the countdown timer is started and the odds of our survival worsen every single day. There are only two ways to face the absurdity of this honestly: you either cry or you laugh at our predicament.
I guess I do both at once. As the great harmonica player Toots Thielemans said to me once when we met at the Lapataia Jazz Festival in Punta del Este, music — and life — are all about smiling through the tears.
For me, I know how I want to spend my time and it has guided every life decision I made. I want to make art. It is the only thing that matters to me. I want to write. I want to dance. I want to make music. I want to make beautiful photographs. I don’t give a darn about being famous or even known; all I care about is seeing the true thing before me and cherishing it.
This is how I smile — and celebrate — through the tears.
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